I hate that feeling when I'm behind. I get in survival mode sometimes, when I'm just trying to get through the moment or the current crisis and other things have to be put on the back burner. It makes me feel panicked, like I'm sure I'm can’t even remember all the things I'm forgetting. Then at the moment that I can finally start getting to some of those back-burner items I am suddenly distracted by something fascinating, usually an unimportant observation that turns into a magnanimous realization about my life or another person's personality or intention. I simply have to stop and process that, to take the time to really overthink.
Charlie has been out of town. I've been trying to keep two climbing, screaming, jumping, tumbling, wrestling, hungry boys safe, fed and somewhat clean while packing up our house that is still being renovated, as I'm cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and researching for my writing and (because my introversion is mistakenly perceived as my being a good listener) also being the sounding board and listening ear to a host of various contractors that like to talk while they work, all the while hearing the same questions repeated by Bobby over and over and over again and being requested by George, "Mama, watch me!" about everything from taking a bite of peach to pushing a train along the track. There is no completing of thoughts in this house, much less sentences. I have phone calls to make, Facebook messages to answer and posts to catch up on but I needed to write. If I don't brain-dump I'll go crazy.
Hmmm...after putting the boys to bed last night I soaked in the tub, I put on my jammies and my favorite slippers, made my tea in my new favorite mug, the one with the red and orange poppies, a little bright and wild for me but I love it. I walked through my beautiful clean quiet house, petting it as I went and sat down to write. Write? My writing desk was under there somewhere. Have you ever loaded the dishwasher, washed what wouldn't fit, cleaned the sink, washed and lotioned your hands and then turned around to see the pots on the stove? Why didn't I tackle this earlier?
I looked for a coaster while juggling my tea, the pen and notepad that had the notes I've been scribbling all day. There was important stuff on that notepad, add Clorox 2 to Jet order, schedule Boogie's appt., when writing essay - is truth more important than fact??? where is the line?, make that cream cheese filled apple Bundt cake, Ephesians 4:32, Halloween costumes (Pirate Jake and Elmo?) and scripture stickers for candy, think of gift to take to neighbors, mammogram, call about music lessons, change name of Cotton Colored Morning to...(blank because I forgot the new perfect name for the short story I'm writing before I wrote it down and have been racking my brain all day trying to remember it), make more eye-contact with George, on and on. I tried to find my coaster so I could put down my tea and start shuffling things so I could write. It had to be here somewhere among the cookbooks, seed packets, four other notepads with similar scribbles, a calendar covered in sticky notes, a toasted coconut candle, 6 pens (my two favorites plus four far inferior pens that I would only use out of desperation because I can't find either of my two favorite pens), two items I need to return to stores, one sippy cup, 2 boxes of Kleenex, five books I'm in the middle of reading (The Miniaturist is getting really good!), coloring pencils and an old tea cup - there it is! My favorite coaster! The one I've had for over 25 years, the lone survivor of the four pack I found in the dollar bin at a craft store, the one with the red and...orange...poppies… the one that perfectly matches my new favorite mug that I just...bought...last week.
I sat and stared at that tea mug sitting on that coaster for at least a minute. They were an exact match.
How could this be? I’m not the same person I was when I bought those coasters...I’m much more mature and evolved! I’m practically a world traveler now! I’m a wife, a mother, a keeper of the home. I am raising the next generation of world-changers. I take these duties very seriously. I know who I am in the Lord. I am in a loving marriage instead of subscribing to the man-flavor of the month club. I am a truth-sayer, an artist, a writer, a seasoned traveler with real luggage and everything! I no longer allow my decisions to be made by my fears and insurities! I’m a responsible adult with appropriate boundaries in my relationships, a mortgage, and a calendar! I’m a completely different person now. I make completely different life choices now. How could they match? I simply must get a new coaster!
Then it hit me. I’m tired. I overthink when I’m tired and stressed. I like this coaster, I always have, it's a little bright and wild for me but I love it. It’s old and scratched up but, lookey there, it matches my new mug perfectly.